This is gonna be a very long post, and a little different than my generic live or content posts. Hopefully its an uplifting one for any of yall in a dark spot of your life!
This is not a pity post, or looking for attention, just a little about me and what I've overcome.
During the last 20+ years ive suffered with anxiety and depression due to my unsupportive family and violent childhood. As a kid i grew up with a violent military father (who i call sperm donor) and a mum who always told me I'd fail at everything i do. I left home at 16 and moved between friends houses before joining the military. I bailed and left the forces early due to my mindset not being in tune with military life after 2 years. I couldn't, and wouldnt, do as i was told and made everyone elses life in my squad hard, so just did the right thing and got out of there. After this i then started moving between homes again and became a bit of a twat to be around. I got hospitalised a few times getting into fights ending with me in intensive care, and on one occasion had to be defibbed after my heart stopping due to an overdose. During all of this music was my go to for getting away from it all for a while, so in the late 90s started learning how to spin the wheels of steel, and in 1998 met a few guys running a pirate radio station. They took me on and helped me progress a little more, but my anxieties got the better of me and i started to isolate myself. I pushed myself to a limit and didnt know what to do, so reached out for help, got back on track and pushed myself to do more. Got out more and then started DJing in clubs and pubs and started on a new chapter, but in 2004 i lost my daughter Katie who passed away due to collapsed lungs after birth, this was with my ex partner and it destroyed me and everything about me. I became suicidal and mentally unstable, until i met my now wife who i have 2 amazing kids with.
She saved me from a dark spot in my life and helped me get my life back in order. I was resident DJ at a few clubs and even started up my own event here in Manchester. After most of the clubs i was gigging at shut down during 2012 - 2015, I started streaming on beam in 2016, which became Mixer in 2017, and took my DJ sets to the internet. That is until my depression & anxieties started to flood back 10 fold due to workplace depression and suffering a knee injury. I started isolating myself again from 2018 and lost an 18 year long job in the process. This started affecting my family & stream too. I started to believe in my own head i was actually the failure my mum always told me I'd be and let that manifest into an even deeper depression. I started to push away family and friends and trapped myself in my own bubble to stop others being brought down by my depression. I thought that if they stay away from me that i cant affect them with my downfall. Then when Mixer shut down in 2020, and the spread of covid, it sent me into a spiral of emotions & doubt and had no idea what to do.
Jump to mid 2021 and after nearly losing everything i hold close to my heart, my wife and kids, i finally reached out for the help i so desperately needed, and was finally put on medication for my mental health and started at one on one therapist sessions. This helped me more than you know!
Lets jump to now!
Now, I'm not just rebuilding my life, but my stream, my outlook and most of all, my families trust. Ive changed my mindset and am now more determined and fueled with passion for everything i set out to do!
I still have dark days and blank spots here and there, but i use those as my fuel to make the good days even better.
Remember this peeps, a bad day is only a bad day, it doesnt mean the rest of your life will be, and it doesnt define who you are!! Tomorrow is a fresh start and if thats another bad day, then again, the next day is another fresh start!
We need to make the most out of the short time we are here on this planet, so be the best you that you can be and show those close to you that you love them!!
If you made it to here then thank you for reading, i hope it brings you a little inspiration and now you need to get out there and show life who is the fucking boss!!馃馃
Peace out you beautiful people!!馃馃鉁岋笍鉁岋笍
This is gonna be a very long post, and a little different than my generic live or content posts. Hopefully its an uplifting one for any of yall in a dark spot of your life!
This is not a pity post, or looking for attention, just a little about me and what I've overcome.
During the last 20+ years ive suffered with anxiety and depression due to my unsupportive family and violent childhood. As a kid i grew up with a violent military father (who i call sperm donor) and a mum who always told me I'd fail at everything i do. I left home at 16 and moved between friends houses before joining the military. I bailed and left the forces early due to my mindset not being in tune with military life after 2 years. I couldn't, and wouldnt, do as i was told and made everyone elses life in my squad hard, so just did the right thing and got out of there. After this i then started moving between homes again and became a bit of a twat to be around. I got hospitalised a few times getting into fights ending with me in intensive care, and on one occasion had to be defibbed after my heart stopping due to an overdose. During all of this music was my go to for getting away from it all for a while, so in the late 90s started learning how to spin the wheels of steel, and in 1998 met a few guys running a pirate radio station. They took me on and helped me progress a little more, but my anxieties got the better of me and i started to isolate myself. I pushed myself to a limit and didnt know what to do, so reached out for help, got back on track and pushed myself to do more. Got out more and then started DJing in clubs and pubs and started on a new chapter, but in 2004 i lost my daughter Katie who passed away due to collapsed lungs after birth, this was with my ex partner and it destroyed me and everything about me. I became suicidal and mentally unstable, until i met my now wife who i have 2 amazing kids with.
She saved me from a dark spot in my life and helped me get my life back in order. I was resident DJ at a few clubs and even started up my own event here in Manchester. After most of the clubs i was gigging at shut down during 2012 - 2015, I started streaming on beam in 2016, which became Mixer in 2017, and took my DJ sets to the internet. That is until my depression & anxieties started to flood back 10 fold due to workplace depression and suffering a knee injury. I started isolating myself again from 2018 and lost an 18 year long job in the process. This started affecting my family & stream too. I started to believe in my own head i was actually the failure my mum always told me I'd be and let that manifest into an even deeper depression. I started to push away family and friends and trapped myself in my own bubble to stop others being brought down by my depression. I thought that if they stay away from me that i cant affect them with my downfall. Then when Mixer shut down in 2020, and the spread of covid, it sent me into a spiral of emotions & doubt and had no idea what to do.
Jump to mid 2021 and after nearly losing everything i hold close to my heart, my wife and kids, i finally reached out for the help i so desperately needed, and was finally put on medication for my mental health and started at one on one therapist sessions. This helped me more than you know!
Lets jump to now!
Now, I'm not just rebuilding my life, but my stream, my outlook and most of all, my families trust. Ive changed my mindset and am now more determined and fueled with passion for everything i set out to do!
I still have dark days and blank spots here and there, but i use those as my fuel to make the good days even better.
Remember this peeps, a bad day is only a bad day, it doesnt mean the rest of your life will be, and it doesnt define who you are!! Tomorrow is a fresh start and if thats another bad day, then again, the next day is another fresh start!
We need to make the most out of the short time we are here on this planet, so be the best you that you can be and show those close to you that you love them!!
If you made it to here then thank you for reading, i hope it brings you a little inspiration and now you need to get out there and show life who is the fucking boss!!馃馃
Peace out you beautiful people!!馃馃鉁岋笍鉁岋笍
